Nicotrol For Right Wing Blog Addicts

As a public service, we here at VeryVeryHappy are proud to offer the following generic entries to several popular Right wing blogs to stave off whatever twisted cravings you might have to read the real things.

InstaPundit:

HERE'S AN INTERESTING POST by a guy named Steve from Des Moines. He highlights the direct connection between the modern Democratic Party and the National Socialist German Workers Party. Some incriminating stuff here. Of course, you wouldn't know this if you only watched CNN...

posted at 05:43 PM by Glenn Reynolds

THE NEW YORK TIMES IS FULL OF SHIT because they quote unreliable sources and make things up.

posted at 05:17 PM by Glenn Reynolds

James Lileks:

Gnat was adorable today. I know that's a standard dad thing to say (average in the way that a gray tabby cat is average - familiar, but still aggressively likable. "Like me! Purr! Hiss!"), but it's true.

"Why can leprechauns get to end of the rainbow but we can't?" she asked with an impertinent grin.

The sheer cuteness of it floored me.

And you know what? I couldn't help but be reminded - by this precocious little girl who still doesn't know what wonders and complexities await her in this world - of why the Democrats are traitors and the Left seeks to destroy all that is beautiful.

I don't know, Gnat, I don't know. Let's find out together.


Andrew Sullivan:

IT LOOKS LIKE I WAS RIGHT: The only people blown up today are foreigners. America's shores are safe for you and me. George Bush is a genius.

EMAIL OF THE DAY: "As a proud member of the Communist Party, I have to say, the madness needs to stop!

I would describe myself as very liberal. I support nationalization of industry (without compensation), mandatory taxes ranging from 60-97% of all income, and the rehabilitation of endangered species by feeding them aborted fetuses. I also believe that war is wrong, and no person should ever do violence to another, for any reason.

I still believe strongly in most of those things, but the terrible tragedy that struck our nation two years ago has made me realize that I was wrong about war. The incredible leadership of President Bush during this time of crisis has opened my eyes.

It is with these stances in mind that I say: The Democratic presidential candidates are way too far Left for me!

I cannot describe to you how turned off I am by the disgusting, repetitive nature of their anti-Bush rhetoric. I can't say I agree with everything the President does, but he has proven himself to be courageous and strong in the face of the worst crisis ever to face our nation. He does not deserve the vile things that these nine nobodies are saying about him.

This, combined with their poilicy positions (which are so liberal they scare me!), forces me to conclude that none of them deserves the nomination. Unfortunately, one of them will get it.

And therefore I will be proud to vote for George W. Bush in November 2004.

P.S. - I am not Andrew Sullivan pretending to be an emailer.

P.P.S. - Really."

SONTAG AWARD NOMINEE: Dan Rather did tonight's newscast without a flag pin on his lapel. Pretty convincing proof that Bernie Goldberg was right. Bias indeed. But I'm sure Eric Alterman can come up with a nice-sounding excuse about how this has no bearing on his ludicrous "What Liberal Media" thesis. We're waiting, Eric.

- 2:47:23 PM

Little Green Footballs:

We must fight anti-Semitic tendencies wherever we may find them, for we must never forget the horrors of the Holocaust.

We must also kill all suspicious-looking Muslims.

Now quit taking my words out of context.

posted by Charles at 3:44 PM PST

The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler:

I am so fucking enraged I think my head is going to explode!!!

For any of you asshated illiberal moonbat fucknozzles that are reading this, here are The Rules^TM that Loyal Citizens (REAL Americans to you, you bedwetting shiteating fuckwits) live by:

If some dried-up Commie sympathizing whore from the Irritating Retarded Shitdogs (I.R.S.) tells you that they haven't stolen enough of your money, you shoot her, because she's a cunt.

If you are in the Gestapo city of Chicago and one of Mayor Fucktard Daley's SS troopers pulls you over and gives you a ticket, you shoot them, because Nazi scumfuckers deserve to be Horrendously Hollowed out by Hollowpoints^TM!

If I ever see a crowd of foolish felching fuckweasle hippies, there'd better be cops in between me and them, because otherwise I'd tear their fucking midget-dicks off and shove them down their putrid throats! Or I'd shoot them.

And never, ever include the letter "o" when spelling "G-d", because that's a sin.

Posted by Emperor Misha I at 03:27 AM

50 K

Well, I'll be damned. This evening, VeryVeryHappy officially hit 50,000 page views.

This is, of course, absolutely ridiculous, as I'm just some guy writing on the internet (with decreasing frequency, I know...I'm working on that).

Anyway, I think it's pretty cool that something I made has been looked at 50,000 times. Pretty puny when compared to the big boys, but seeing as how my posting has dropped to a trickle since roughly April, I'm quite pleased.

For the people who've been dropping by since February, I salute your endurance. For those who have jumped on my little bandwagon since then, I appreciate you sticking around. And to everyone, thanks for occasionally taking a few minutes out of your day to check out VeryVeryHappy, and for dropping a comment or two.

Now start visiting on weekends too, you ungrateful bastards.

Holy Christ, Donald Luskin Has Lost His Mind

No, this is not news. But I at least thought that the NRO editors would have the decency to try to cover it up a little bit. You know, snip a faulty premise here, cut a multi-word personal insult there. Something. This man goes on television, for God's sake.

But no. His increasingly disturbing stalking of Paul Krugman has been thrown into high gear after Krugman's appearance on Russert's show last night.

Highlights:

"Are you surprised that Krugman's publisher, W.W. Norton, has repeatedly refused my requests for a review copy of the book?"

No. If I repeatedly said "Donald Luskin is an idiot" in a prominent liberal publication, and then asked Luskin's publisher for an advance copy of his book so that I might call him an idiot while quoting it, I would expect to be told to go fuck myself.

So Donald, go fuck yourself.

"For the next month or so, it's going to be all Krugman all the time. It's going to be painful to have to listen over and over to all the trademark Krugman talking points we've all come to know and hate so well. [...] In recent weeks I had been feeling pretty depressed with this prospect. [...] But when I saw the interview with Russert on Saturday night, I stopped worrying. And now I'm hoping that his 15 minutes of fame will be his undoing. In situations where he's separated from the prestige and credibility of his New York Timescolumn — and when people can talk back — Krugman will no longer seem the Great and Powerful Oz. He'll stand revealed as nothing more than the man behind the curtain."

Seriously, I've paid less attention to girls I wanted to have sex with than Luskin does to Krugman.

"The nervous, stammering, shifty-eyed, twitching, ill-tailored, gray homunculus slumping across the table from Tim Russert Saturday night..."

Excepting only the lyrics to a handful of White Snake songs, this is the most pathetic thing I have ever read in my life. Even more pathetic than when Luskin started calling Krugman's responses to him "elephant shit" (what, "bullshit" does not properly convey how much you disagree? Fuck it, lets's go whole hog and say "blue whale shit!" Ooh! My post compares what you say to the feces of an animal many times larger than a bull! You can't handle this! You can't handle this!)

I mean, if you're trying to appeal to the "false sense of superiority due to a vast overestimation of one's grasp of rhetorical skills and devices" demographic by going for the unfunny insult string, at least make it interesting. Make me get out a dictionary, Don. This one sentence is the ultimate (though I dare say not the final) proof that anything he writes about Krugman should be taken slightly less seriously than anything Roseanne and Tom Arnold say about each other, and so he could at least be good enough to let me break even in intelligence gained/lost --after having my IQ damaged through exposure to this and similar columns-- by learning some new words.

No lie. I read this column today, and now I can't do math.

Perhaps excessive proofreading of his own columns is the cause of Luskin's repeatedly-demonstrated innumeracy?

"And I'm delighted to report that, as you will see, the Krugman Truth Squad had a key role to play in the wheel-removal process. In fact, I think we may have to make Russert an honorary member of the Squad."

You have to be pretty arrogant when your estimation of yourself is greater than Rush Limbaugh's. Hell, you need to be Napoleon for your estimation of yourself to be greater than Limbaugh's. But Donald manages to pull it off. Congratulations, I guess. The big difference between the two, though, is that while Limbaugh's "talent on loan from God" thing has worn exceedingly thin, he can at least fall back on it being a supposed self-parody.

Luskin is apparently serious when he talks about how Big and Important he is. He has skillfully managed to create an online persona that seems -- to him -- to be witty and cunning and always victorious, a persona that -- to everyone else -- seems rather obviously to be massive overcompensation for being picked last for kickball when he was a child.

Maybe if we all just call him Home Run Luskin for awhile, he'll be able to heal those long-festering psychic wounds, and kindly go the hell away.

"Coming out of the commercial, after doing the obligatory flash of the book jacket for the camera (operators are standing by), Russert opened with,

RUSSERT:The National Review Online has the Krugman Truth Squad.

KRUGMAN:Yeah.

RUSSERT:They monitor every word you write. And they will pick apart every column, and say 'He no longer is just an economist. He's an ideologue, and he just is trying to twist facts in order to prove a political point.' "

Holy hell, I can hear Luskin's erection. And I'm half a continent away from him.

"Let's really savor this. Coming out of an awesomely long pause — a pause you just never see on television, one that probably had some guys in the CNBC control room really twitching — Krugman said, 'I think that given, given that I'm writing 100 columns a year, uh, the number of things they've actually been able to make stick is pretty small.'
A mind-boggling defense. Actually, it's not a defense at all — it's a confession.He is confessing that he lies — but, he has an excuse: He had to write 100 columns a year! He was too busy to tell the truth. "

Wow. Paul Krugman is a bit introverted and uncomfortable on television. He must be killed immediately.

Luskin's...unique...interpretation of Krugman's statement is not unexpected. Why do I get the impression that Krugman could have read The Iliad for an hour and Luskin would have called it a confession of his abominable sins?

Oh, that's right. Because I am right, and Donald Luskin is approaching terminal velocity in his descent toward batshit crazy.

"Was he also too busy to tell the truth about the number of columns he writes in a year? In the last twelve months he's written 93 columns, not 100."

I do not say this lightly: Jonah Goldberg is too good to be associated with an institution that publishes Luskin on a regular basis.

Think about that.

"In the last six months, the Krugman Truth Squad has uncovered dozens upon dozens of lies, errors, distortions, and misquotations within Krugman's columns, but the Princeton professor has only countered with lame self defenses on his personal website. "

Someone really should get around to letting Donald know that even conservatives are embarrassed by how thoroughly Krugman has shredded Luskin on those occasions when he actually stooped to responding to one of Don's columns. I mean, come on. After the third round of one of those slapdowns, Luskin was reduced to writing an entire column that consisted largely of creative rephrasings of "I am right and you are wrong."

"Krugman got to take his microphone off and pull the little rubbery disposable earphone out of his ear and go back to his hotel room and mutter about how terrible it is to be "stalked, uh, intellectually," and tell himself that his book will probably sell pretty well anyway, despite the conservatively biased media."

I can be accused of many things, but fantasizing about my enemies' preoccupation with me is not one of them.

And Krugman whispers about Luskin late at night alone in his room? Am I the only one who detects erotic undertones here?

Maybe Krugman should just let Luskin fuck him and get it over with.

I close with a comment I left at someone's site a few weeks ago that seems particularly appropriate today:

Luskin becomes more and more unhinged every time I read him - which, admittedly, is not particularly often...just enough to track his downword spiral toward raving madness and adjust my bet with myself over the exact date on which he will accuse Krugman of secretly being John Hinckley. Currently, I'm going with September 17th, 2004, when election mania hits a fevered pitch and poor Donald's psyche cracks like an egg.

I think it is time to adjust my bet once again.

Announcement

Never in a thousand years will I forgive John Edwards if the Democrats wind up with 49 or 50 Senate seats after the 2004 election.

Memos From The You've-Got-To-Be-Fucking-Kidding-Me Dept.

Colorado Republicans, at the behest of famous Detached Observer With No Agenda At All David Horowitz, are looking into ways to tie state funding for public universities to the hiring of more conservatives at said universities. Keep in mind that this means "conservatives as defined by David Horowitz."

For various reasons, this will never happen, but just the fact that politicians are willing to talk to reporters about this kind of thing is absolutely apeshit crazy.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I am depressed about the fact that the most important message that needs to be presented to the American people is "These People Must Be Stopped."

"What Do You Think Of Your Team's Execution?"

Disaster and doom and very bad things.

We will discuss the horror show that was the Bears-49ers game later this week, but tonight I am going to listen to Def Leppard and Motley Crue, mouse up my hair, and pretend that it is 1985 ("Man...Jim McMahan is so awesome!"). Otherwise, I would cry myself to sleep.

Q: Which would be more effective at stopping the pass rush, the Bears' offensive line, or a large block of cheese?

A: Who cares? They both should be fed to the rats.

It Wouldn't Be A True Presidential Speech...

If the illustrious InstaPundit didn't take the opportunity to lie about people he dislikes:

"It was an outright challenge to the neo-McGovernites, and even more of a challenge to those wafflers (and several are beginning to appear) among the Democratic presidential candidates, specifically mentioning Somalia and Beirut (bipartisan bugout history there), and noting that lessening our commitment would be a disaster, and play into the terrorists' hands."

The McGovern thing is cute - especially since the only candidate even vaguely supporting immediate withdrawal of all our forces from Iraq is Kucinich (unless, of course, Glenn has taken Chris Suellentrop's unusually dunderheaded misreading of Dean's statements at the Democratic debates to heart).

We're in Iraq for the long haul, and all of the serious contenders for the Democratic nomination acknowledge that; indeed, I do believe that one of the primary premises of even the anti-war crowd was that if we invaded Iraq, we would be obligated to rebuild it at the cost of several years and hundreds of billions of our dollars.

To snidely claim otherwise is a "lie," in the same way that Glenn Reynolds is "the best argument for storing nuclear waste in Knoxville."

Balls

Bush certainly has them, yes indeed.

Some of the more reasonable sorts have been wondering just how Bush would manage to ask for international help in Iraq without looking like the kid who trips you at recess but then tries to talk you out of your twinkie at lunch.

The President has kindly answered that question for us: by demanding it.

"I recognize that not all of our friends agreed with our decision to enforce the Security Council resolutions and remove Saddam Hussein from power. Yet we cannot let past differences interfere with present duties. Terrorists in Iraq have attacked representatives of the civilized world, and opposing them must be the cause of the civilized world. Members of the United Nations now have an opportunity -- and the responsibility -- to assume a broader role in assuring that Iraq becomes a free and democratic nation. "

Damn.

"Hey, Dave, I think I smell gas coming from that house."

"Really? I don't."

"Yeah, definitely gas. We need to go in there."

"Dude, that's somebody's house. We can't just break in there. We should call the cops."

"Dave, you pussy! I'm going in! You can screw yourself."

"Okay."

[Smash! Crash! Shatter-tinkle-CRUNCH!]

"Hey, Roger, you okay in there? I'm still not smelling any gas."

"Screw you! It's in here! I'll find it!"

"Okay."

[Time passes. Flames shoot out of front window.]

"Um...Roger? Is that flame from the gas?"

"No. That...um...that was me. Hey! Listen. You have to come in here and help me put this fire out."

"What? Why?"

"It's your duty. I know we had some disagreements in the past, but you must now acknowledge your responsibility for what has happened here, and you must now help in the long and dangerous process of putting out this fire that I started while doing something which you advised me not to do."

"Um...have you found gas in there yet?"

"I'll get back to you on that one."


Balls.