It's Too Bad My Mother Isn't A Professional Bitch

Because then I could be paid to write columns for conservative publications that completely ignore abstract concepts like "honesty," "integrity," and "history books," just like Jonah Goldberg.

There is much Sullivan-esque nonsense in this column about Howard Dean, but Jonah -- ever the compassionate conservative -- has saved me the trouble of extensively quoting it by including this bit that displays the whole thing in microcosm:

"[Dean] says such amazingly crazy things, he's just so much more entertaining than the ever-cautious Gephardt. For example, Dean recently said that he didn't want to "prejudge" Osama bin Laden's guilt or innocence since he'd have to face a "jury trial."
Can you imagine FDR declaring he didn't want to "pre-judge" Hitler?"

I was going to point out that there's a reason why they were called the Nuremburg Trials, but then I realized that this was probably just an extended riff on Jonah's recurring daydream - the one in which he discovers a time machine and goes back to personally shoot Hitler, Goering, and Goebbels, only to be scorned upon his return by liberals who will never know the service he has performed for humanity. Then he hits the game-winning home run in game seven of the World Series.

That's right, Jonah, I said it. Yo mama.