Monday, October 27, 2003

Nuclear Warhead Detonates in Baghdad - 100,000 US Military Casualties

~ "Huzzah!" cries delighted President, "We have won the War On Terror!" ~

At the rate things are going, my ability to experience surprise will soon be so diminished that such a headline would rate only a Reynolds-ish "Indeed" from me.

After all, a person can only go through the cycle of "That's terrible! Surely no one can disagree that this is a Bad Thing! Even the Press Secretary would be too ashamed to say that they aren't doing something wrong. Wait a minute...what did he just say? I cannot fucking believe he just said that with a straight face. He cannot possibly be a reasoning human being" so many times before they learn, rolled-up-newspaper-to-the-snout style, to not assume that this administration has even the merest wisp of shame.

"Surely he isn't claiming that those aluminum tubes were for use in weaponizing uranium. The IAEA has already debunked that!"


"There's no way he can say that those hydrogen trailers were proof of an existing bioweapons program."


"There's no way in hell he's going to say that the mounting death toll in Iraq does not conflict with his prewar rhetoric!"


"He's not going to say that that single vial of harmless botulinum B bacteria proves him right about Iraq's threat to the United States."


"I absolutely refuse to believe that he will call the sophisticated, nearly-successful assasination of the heavily-guarded American government official largely responsible for the war a sign that we are winning."


Ahh...sweet numbness flowing throughout those portions of my brain dedicated to registering shock.

Mom, if you're reading this, now would be the time to tell me that I was actually raised by wolves, or that my brother is secretly a baboon, or anything of that nature that you've been hiding from me.

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