Brett Favre Should Be Fed To Aaron Gibson. And Then We Throw Aaron Gibson Off A Building

Ugliness. Shame.

It's bad enough that tonight's game was a pummeling.

It's bad enough that tonight's game was a pummeling at the hands of the Packers.

It's bad enough that tonight's game was a pummeling at the hands of the Packers at home.

It's bad enough that tonight's game was a pummeling at the hands of the Packers at the home-opener.

But the fact that tonight's game was a pummeling at the hands of the Packers at the home-opener that also happened to be the first game in the new Soldier Field, and in front of a national audience on Monday night... that hurts.

When I first heard that the Bears had acquired Kordell Stewart, I was extremely excited. I know that he is one of the more maligned quarterbacks in the league, but it seems to me that that is because he's so damn talented that when he screws up, it seems a lot worse than when someone else screws up (see: the idiotic "is Brett Favre washed up?" theme that the sports media was throwing around after the Pack's opening loss).

I still like Kordell - a lot. He's easily the best QB Chicago has seen since...well, shit. Since as far back as I can remember. He's fast, he's athletic, he's got a hell of an arm. With the new start he's been given in Chicago, away from all the baggage he had with the Steelers, he should do well. On almost any other team, he would.

Unfortunately, he is on the Bears, and so is being protected by the worst offensive line in professional football.

He's shown flashes of brilliance, explosive running ability, and good throwing sense (you'll notice that almost every incomplete pass that wasn't dropped in the last two games was underthrown - a smart reaction to his multiple interceptions against San Francisco, as underthrown passes are much harder to intercept than overthrown passes).

But none of that means shit when the defense is able to roam the backfield virtually at will.

The same applies to Anthony Thomas. His performance in tonight's game should be enough to shut up his critics who keep harping on his lackluster performance last year. His two big runs showed that he has excellent agility and hardcore speed (on his first touchdown run, the nearest defender had a step or two on him, but Thomas accelerated right past him in the open field - absolutely burned him).

Unfortunately, Walter Payton himself would have had trouble running it straight up the middle (the running play Offensive Coordinator John Shoop is most fond of, regardless of the advisability of said running play on, say, 2nd and 13) if his offensive line was being pushed back two feet behind the line of scrimmage. You're supposed to get a forward push on a run - that's how gaps are created, gaps that your running back can run through and gain, you know, yards.

One of my greatest fears for this season is that Bears management will get it into its head that the Bears' lowly performance is due to poor play by Kordell and Thomas, and will get rid of either or both of them, thus resuming the cycle of futility we have experienced at those two positions for...well, shit. Since as far back as I can remember.

And speaking of Bears management, Jerry Angelo has been looking more and more brilliant for his decisions to

a) release veteran right tackle James Williams (twelve years with the team, knows the system, damn good lineman) and replace him with Horrendous Fatass Aaron Gibson

b) allow New England to outbid him for linebacker Roosevelt Colvin (most sacks last year and in 2001 - good compliment to Urlacher)

c) trade defensive tackle Ted Washington (paired with Keith Traylor, made running it up the middle virtually impossible for opposing teams, as well as keeping those unpleasant offensive linemen tied up, freeing Urlacher to do what he does best - beat the snot out of whoever has the ball) to New England in return for fuck all. Urlacher has been fighting off blocking linemen all season long, and offenses have taken advantage of the fact that he's tied up for a few crucial seconds. During the Vikings game, I saw O-linemen get to him untouched on several occasions, allowing a big run. Pathetic.

Jerry Angelo, Genius of Our Time.

Bonus Jerry Angelo: As Gregg Easterbrook pointed out a few weeks ago, Ted Washington was one of Coach Jauron's favorite guys, which means that the decision to trade him was almost certainly made over his objection, which in turn means that, once again, management is in conflict with the coaching staff. Hot damn! And down the toilet we go...

Tommorrow, I get to the offensive line. If I haven't had a stroke by then, of course.