Woe Unto Those That Condemn Rush Limbaugh
~ For I too have felt the steely grip of vice ~
Some people are addicted to sex.
Some people are addicted to illegal drugs.
Some people are addicted to massive quantities of prescription painkillers.
These people have it easy, compared to me.
I am addicted to Madden 2004 for the XBox.
A few of you have perhaps wondered why it is that posting here at VVH has been scant for the last month - or more accurately, since the Nicotrol post that garnered 16,000 hits over the course of a week and a half and momentarily made me a much more popular blogger than my efforts here usually merit.
Why, Christian, why would you not capitalize on this opportunity to massively increase your readership by at least posting a few tidbits to keep some of those new visitors coming back?
The answer is simple: as an addict, all of my free time (and some of my not-so-free time) has been devoted to satisfying my craving.
To be clear, I would be addicted to this game regardless of the actual progress of the real football season. However, the progress of my favorite football program has driven me further and further into the dreamworld that my faithful XBox creates for me at the press of a button.
Consider the following possibilities:
Kordell Stewart, a masterful QB, roaming in and out of the pocket, driving defenses crazy as he runs for the first down if the defenders cover the receivers too tightly, and passing for the first down if they break off to stop him.
Anthony Thomas, pro-bowler and regular season MVP, rushing for 1750 yards and gaining 300 yards worth of receptions.
David Terrell, master of the fly route, accelerating past defenders to catch for 1300 yards.
RW McQuarters, a cornerback that strikes fear into the hearts of quarterbacks everywhere, pulling in 13 interceptions, six of which he returns for touchdowns.
An offensive line featuring four (yes, four) pro-bowlers, ready to stomp all over puny defensive linemen and make linebackers cry for their mommas.
And the Bears, making it to the conference finals two years in a row only to lose in heartbreakers, favored to win the 2005 Superbowl.
All of these things are true when I turn my XBox on; when I turn it off, I return to reality - horrid, horrendous, excruciating reality.
Is it any wonder I choose Madden over blogging?
I thought not.
Anyway, I have a few ideas for increasing my posting here - we'll see if any of them work out, eh?
In the meantime, I have to go trade my worthless, can't-catch-jack-shit fullback for Mike Alstott.