Thursday, August 21, 2003

The Mighty Banality Man

One of the things I've noticed when arguing with conservatives is that more than a few of them seem to be angry at George Bush for not being conservative enough.

This kind of talk always makes me want to take a backhoe to the street leading up to these peoples' houses and scream "Get the Invisible Hand to fix it, fucker!" And then mail their diaries to John Ashcroft. And then replace their condoms with pocket Bibles. And then send their paychecks to Steve Forbes (assuming they make less than $100,000).

Regardless, one argument for Bush's "centrism" (or liberalism, if you're a complete idiot) that I have seen repeatedly: the massive spending increases that have taken place on his watch.

"How can you guys hate him so much? He's spending, spending, spending away, just like a liberal!"

I'd like to take this opportunity to issue a blanket rebuttal to this, and any of the hundred variations of it which I have seen (and for the record, I cannot believe that this needs saying): This may surprise some of my conservative friends, but liberals don't actually like big budget expenditures for big budget expenditures' sake. The only good things about big budget expenditures are the benefits that come from the programs that they fund. And so, if Bush is spending lots and lots of money on things we don't like, then of course we aren't going to like him. In fact, we're going to like him even less for not only doing things we don't like, but for putting our country in dire financial straits by so doing.

Seriously, it's like being mystified because Jerry Falwell doesn't enthusiastically approve of your donations to an Episcopalian gay rights group. "But Jerry, don't you like it when people donate to religious organizations?"

I hope that clears things up. I know it gets too confusing to use actual "thinking" when valiantly battling us evil Statists. Godspeed.

Pre-emptive Response to the Obvious Smartass Remark About The Title of This Post: You're right, that does perfectly describe me! Don't I feel stupid! Ha ha!

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