Thursday, May 29, 2003


You don't appreciate just how agile your own tongue is, and the very complex little dance it does to keep food in position to be chewed while at the same time avoiding being chewed itself until you lose the ability feel it and it becomes a rogue agent, possibly obeying your commands but with no way to know for sure. Like, say, when your dentist decides that there's no such thing as too much novocaine, and the lower half of your face ceases to exist for five hours.

If you ever find yourself in this situation, my advice is that you not attempt to drink a brightly colored liquid in public.

And if you feel compelled to constantly check your tongue with your finger in order to determine whether or not you've bitten it off in the last ten minutes, make sure that there aren't any cute blondes sitting at the table across from you at Barnes & Noble who will look up from their book as you stick your finger in your mouth and check it for blood, necessitating an explanation of "I jutht goth back fromth the denthitht."

Not that I know anyone to whom that happened recently...

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