Friday, November 14, 2003

The Tom Tomorrow Unpleasantness, Through The Eyes Of Someone Who Could Give A Damn

1. Tom Tomorrow's new This Modern World (TMW) strip published in Salon on Monday

2. The same TMW strip published in Working For Change on Tuesday

3. Some self-righteous idiot fails to read first sentence of new TMW strip, takes offense on behalf of the United States military.

4. Self-righteous idiot sends rude email to Tom Tomorrow, simultaneously posting it on his blog and snottily declaring "I'm not holding my breath waiting for a response."

5. Tom Tomorrow quickly responds as though self-righteous idiot were a legitimately concerned reader rather than a partisan warblogger trying to score cheap rhetorical points at Tom's expense. Self-righteous idiot proves that he is grandstanding for the approval of his partisan readers by posting "Stay tuned, I'm not done yet..." instead of actually corresponding with Tom to work out the misunderstanding.

6. Glenn Reynolds demonstrates his superiority to traditional media by failing to read the first sentence of new TMW strip, links to self-righteous idiot approvingly and adds an important reminder that we should all learn a thing or two from military personnel who just happen to share Glenn Reynolds' political views.

7. Self-righteous idiot continues futile effort to convince Tom Tomorrow that he too should ignore the first sentence of new TMW strip, justifies my calling him "self-righteous idiot" by haughtily pointing out that it is Veteran's Day. Subtle nuances such as the first sentence of new TMW strip and the fact that the strip was originally published the day before Veteran's Day prove to be disorienting and are therefore ignored by self-righteous idiot.

8. Tom Tomorrow refuses to do the right thing by telling self-righteous idiot to go fuck himself, instead responds to self-righteous idiot by politely explaining over the course of a paragraph what the rest of us understood by reading the first sentence of new TMW strip. Self-righteous idiot shows class by mocking Tom's response on his blog.

9. Self-righteous idiot ignores ex-PFC Wintergreen's advice and uses 71 words to say "I am right and you are wrong" and declares his intelligence insulted, blissfully unaware that his own antics are much more effective at that particular task than anything Tom Tomorrow does.

10. Tom Tomorrow realizes that self-righteous idiot is acting in bad faith. Self-righteous idiot declares Tom's resulting exasperation evidence that TMW is not funny, ends post with unsuccessful attempt at flashback humor. Self-righteous idiot's commenters use 35,000 words to concisely state that Tom Tomorrow is not funny. Despite being a fictional character, Ex-PFC Wintergreen has an aneurysm.

11. Andrea Harris, who has made a name for herself by making fun of liberals, is bothered by Tom Tomorrow making fun of conservatives; she manages to write "Tom Tomorrow is not funny" using 107 words.

12. Someone named Mary, who has a problem with dates similar to self-righteous idiot, alters new TMW strip to say that Tom Tomorrow doesn't care about terrorism and compares him to Ted Rall, clearly demonstrating why Tom Tomorrow is paid to be funny and she is not.

13. Glenn Reynolds links to Mary's cartoon. Stresses that Tom Tomorrow should not be associated with Ted Rall. Says that anti-war folks should be associated with Ted Rall. Gets all uppity. States the self-evident fact that ANSWER and the singer from the Pretenders are representative of the anti-war movement. Admonishes people who disagree with him to do what he says they should do.

14. Tacitus articulates his inability to understand why people against the war take exception to being associated with cretins, killing off my last shred of patience for his brand of faux-naive condescension.

15. Mary decides that Tom isn't so bad after all, but says she was justified in essentially calling him unpatriotic because she thinks he is wrong.


Initially, I thought this whole scuffle was somewhat amusing, but then it just got tedious.

Seriously, if you actually care about any of this bullshit, burn your computer.

The blogosphere disgusts me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Buck Up, Girly-Men

~ Or Kim DuToit Will Shoot You ~

My original response to the now-famous DuToit "Pussification" essay was actually quite different from that of most liberal (and even a lot of conservative) commentators.

Instead of focusing on the more hallucinatory statements contained in DuToit's treatise (Donald Rumsfeld could score with 90% of women over 50? Is there crack in this man's drinking water?), I was planning on writing a longer post on what is, when you strip away the bullshit and the posturing, the point of the essay: the growing sense on the part of a lot of men that they are powerless to stop their growing irrelevence.

I'm still going to write that post someday (as a quick taste, consider the fact that technology may soon remove the need for the one role that can never be filled by women: producers of sperm), but after reading Kim's response to the large number of people who took issue with his essay -- a response which reminds me of nothing so much as myself after 11 beers, screaming at the friends who won't let me have a 12th to finish off the case -- I thought screw it, and decided to post a somewhat less kind response, which is to point out the fact that DuToit's grubby little manifesto is the kind of thing that results from one being unable to see one's own penis without the assistance of a mirror.