Damn Kids

Via Ezra Klein, I see that DenBeste is being ever so slightly homophobic^* by referring to Howard Dean's notorious "metrosexual" quote.

Can we all just agree that Dean's quote was due to his misunderstanding what the term meant? Given the context it is usually used in, it is perfectly reasonable to think that "metrosexual" means a heterosexual who is comfortable with gay people. The various connotations of the word are hardly obvious to the casual viewer.

So, really, the worst criticism one could level at Dean for the incident is that he doesn't speak the absolute up-to-date version of the kids' language.

And these days, I think that's probably a good thing.

* Homophobic how, you ask? The context: "To a great extent, this is because white men as a group prefer cowboys to metrosexuals." Translation: White men prefer tough dudes to pussies. metrosexuals = pussies. Case closed. Hideously egregious? No. Mildly insulting to gays? I would guess yes.

I Damn Near Drove To Chicago And Offered To Sleep With Dan Drezner

...when I read this entry in his account of his day filling in for Andrew Sullivan:

"10:30 AM. Let’s log on and see how things are going…. Wait, why can’t I access the Daily Dish? It’s down! Ahh!!!! I f@#$%ed up somehow!! In less than twelve hours, I’ve single-handedly destroyed Andrew Sullivan’s site!! DAMN YOU BLOGGER!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!"

I think I actually broke into spontaneous song - something about "Die slow, mufucka, my fo-fo make sure all yo kids don't grow!"

But then, Drezner apparently fixed the problem, for The Daily Dish is up and running.

Another Monday, shot to hell.

Funny Joke Time

Atrios thinks that conservatives are wrong to imply that black people should take Strom Thurmond's illegitimate daughter's example and just shut up.

Personally, I don't see what the problem is, since I think that conservatives should take Strom Thurmond's example and just die.

Is he kidding? Is he kidding?

Mad Cow: Someone's Food Supply Appears To Be Tainted

I don't post about John Cole very often, because he's just too damn easy, but I'm bored, so here he is a few days ago, reacting to the news that the cow with BSE was from Canada:

"I expect the Luddites and anti-free-traders will seize on this info"

Going on his past habits, I'd be willing to bet a large sum of money that Cole wishes with all of his heart that the cow was from Mexico, so that he could call Democrats racist. No, I don't get it either. Welcome to Balloon Juice.

"It will also make the asshole Democratic candidates look rather foolish, as they really did try to blame the economic impact of this lone cow with "Mad Cow Disease" on Bush"

There really are additional measures we could take to fight this kind of thing. Kos has a handy little list of some of them, all killed by Republicans in one way or another.

"Which is why the standards and procedures in place today that made sure that no bad beef went to the market, no one became ill from bad beef, and that insured that only one cow was infected- this was predictable. It really is like Tourette's: B-B-B-Bush Sucks! B-B-Bush Bad!"

Quick lesson for John: The standards did not prevent bad beef from going to market (it's currently being recalled from several states), we don't know if anyone has become ill due to the long incubation period of the disease, and we certainly don't know that only one cow was infected. Here's the important part for John, and all those that brush off the media circus that accompanied the news that Mad Cow has reached our shores: Mad Cow is both communicable, and damn near impossible to kill. Theoretically, a cow could be infected by coming into contact with an instrument that came into contact with an infected cow years before. Mad Cow is a prion disease, meaning that it isn't caused by a virus or bacteria, but a misfolded protein called a prion that causes similar proteins in the brain to misfold as well. The scary part is that prions are tough sons-of-bitches. To give you an idea of just how tough, consider that a standard autoclave used to sterilize surgical instruments isn't hot enough to destroy the prion.

Hmm...maybe a few more precautions should have been taken after all?

Ass-End Up

~ NRO's new slogan? (Settle down Derbyshire, it doesn't mean what you think it does) ~

Yglesias is having some fun with a particularly witless NRO column in which the author, one Michael Knox Beran, seems to be making the argument that anyone who mentions the fact that a few of the Founding Fathers owned slaves hates America.

All I can add is this wonderful line from a review of one of Mr. Beran's books (the thesis of which is that Bobby Kennedy was about to become a Reagan conservative when he was killed): "Beran attempts to view Bobby Kennedy through the lens of recent history. Perhaps he is looking through the wrong end of the telescope."

On a more serious note, I am seriously beginnning to worry that these idiot Reaganites are going to go seriously apeshit when the man dies and start naming everything they see after him, one thing after another- Bam! Bam! Bam!

Which means that I am going to be extra careful to cover up my genitalia that day, because I'll be damned if I ever look down in a crowded men's room and shout "Dammit, Ronnie, nobody's looking, just fucking go already! It ain't trickling down fast enough, motherfucker!"

Timespan

Jesse notes, with a bit of discomfort, that an electronic voting firm suffered an electronic break-in.

I note, with a breezy grin that disguises my desire to kill with my bare hands anyone stupid enough to use e-voting schemes in actual elections, that the span of time between the break-in and word getting out to the public is roughly equivalent to the span of time between Election Day and Inauguration Day.

Funny world.

Being More Useful Than The Editors At NRO

VVH Presents: Meghan Cox Gurdon (with creative omissions)

"If we didn't have this annual orgy... followed immediately by a surge of zeal, would any of us ever really reform or repent?... I think I hear someone banging outside... My husband and I danced about in agitation, wondering what to do...We banged on the little box beside the door. Eventually we...jammed...into the mechanism. This turned FTZZZZT! into …ftzzzzt…...Ever since, if one presseth the...button, it availeth not...It is wonderful how quickly we ourselves have adapted, though it is a shame how many...dinner guests have stood...tapping feebly...wondering if they got the time wrong.

"Meghan, you really must get...fixed," a helpful houseguest pointed out earlier this fall, as I was pelting...a...thudding...UPS man.

"Thank you," I called back breathlessly, "I know." But it was thoughtful of her to mention it.

I showed the...bell to an electrician who had come to interpret the mysteries of our...boxes. He shook his head...and sucked.

"Now that," he said, "That is the kind of thing that can run you, oh, five- six- seven-hundred dollars."

"Oh, dear," said I, wringing my hands. Then I remembered: "Wait, isn't everything...-coming? Couldn't we get a...bell?" I peered at him hopefully. It didn't occur to me straight away that a fellow who makes his living...might not greet the dawn...with unmixed pleasure.

"I don't know about that," he said stiffly. He looked back at the useless box and murmured, "Seven-eight-hundred dollars..."

So repairing the...bell goes on my...To-Do list. My latest idea is to install a brass...pull outside the front door, and rig up some elegant Edwardian system of ribbons and pulleys that would cause a little...tinkle at the top of the stairs when anyone stopped... You'd hear it throughout the house, and whatever the depredations of...power...it would always work...

Currently we only have one hand...which means if you're on...top...you don't have a prayer of hearing the ring, and if you're anywhere lower down you will hear something...leap up...At which point you hang around, tapping your...dial...until it breaks up into beeps, signaling that you now have a...caller, who himself was probably tapping his...pick...while muttering, "Honestly...that size, when will they join the 21st century?"

My friend Danielle's house will soon feature so many...systems...that she will be able to speak from her bath to the...man at the front door while simultaneously signaling to...the playroom that...pizza has arrived and pouring a gin-and-tonic in the kitchen. Rich in experience with...devices, she has graciously offered to set up a...system for us. It is a terrific opportunity, and I really must take her...but whenever I think, "Danielle's absolutely right, we have to get a...system," I remember that any system will come with...manual...Thus does the...urge die away slowly...

So much to do, so much to do....

Wait: ... why, we all have as long as we, well, get. What's the hurry?"

Clever how she hides such bodice-ripping stuff inside a normal column, huh? Truly, a cry for help. Or for something. Over to you, TBogg.

A Small Window of Opportunity

The recent Iranian earthquake has been a disaster - the body count continues to rise, and the chances of finding survivors, low even in the immediate aftermath, are now virtually nonexistent.

Already, the United States has sent 60 tons of medical supplies and water to Iran, and, as this Christian Science Monitor article notes, such assistance has helped break the ice between hostile nations in the past.

This is a good start, and the CSM article is rightfully optimistic, but the way I see it, we have an opportunity -- one, I fear, of short duration -- to do much more. Actually, "opportunity" isn't the word, because it seems quite possible that failure to do so could result in active harm to our longterm goals, rather than simple failure to capitalize on possible gains.

This disaster provides us with the chance to show the Iranian people -- taught to hate the US for 25 year -- that we can help them. Unfortunately, it also provides a mirror-image opportunity to the religious hardliners fighting tooth and nail against the reform movement within Iran.

It is almost impossible to come face to face with an event that destroys something we love without searching for a reason, an explanation, to give our loss some sort of meaning. When tragedy strikes, one of the first reactions anyone has is to question their own actions - "What could I have done differently?" Even for someone who realizes, on an intellectual level, that the answer is "nothing," emotional acceptance is elusive. This is equally true for a lethal mudslide, a case of inoperable cancer, and for an earthquake. It is our nature to try to find an answer.

And if one is a religious person, one tends to look to God for such answers.

Herein lies the potential problem in Iran - large numbers of devoutly religious people are going to be looking for answers, and it doesn't take much thought to imagine what their religious leaders are going to tell them: God is angry.

We saw it here in the US after 9/11 - Falwell may have been the only one stupid enough to say it, but I guarantee a decent number of extreme religious types felt the same way.

According to our hardliners, America's sin that earned it 9/11 was acceptance of homosexuality; according to Iran's hardliners, Iran's sin that earned it the earthquake could very well be increasing acceptance of western values, symbolized by the reform movement.

Combined with criticism of building codes in the areas hardest hit, the idea of God punishing Iranians for resisting the Ayatollahs could significantly weaken the position of reformers in the government.

We must work to prevent this from happening.

I disagree with the neocons about a great many things, but one point on which we agree is that a significant change for the better in US-Iran relations is crucial to longterm American security. The route that holds most promise in this regard is an internal revolution in Iran, preferably democratic, that throws the religious fanatics out, or at least marginalizes their power. As the younger generation comes of age in Iran, prospects for just such a revolution continue to improve- they aren't there yet, but they're getting closer. Unfortunately, the reform movement is still relatively delicate, and a sudden, significant gain in power by the religious establishment in Iran could set the reform movement back for years.

That's why putting forth a massive aid effort right now is so critical.

Iranians have been taught for years to hate the American flag, and so I want them to see American flags everywhere, on food packets, on medical supplies, on water bottles, stitched onto the corner of blankets. I want them to see American flags on the sleeves of doctors and nurses tending to the wounded, on the hardhats of construction workers helping to clear the rubble and rebuild homes, on the lapels of architects and engineers teaching how best to build earthquake-resistant buildings.

The reformers are already linked to the west, and so we must strengthen the position of the reformers by showing the people of Iran that the west -- specifically, the United States -- can help them. The better the US seems, the stronger the reformers will get.

We need to help in every capacity the Iranian government will let us, so that when fanatical Islamist clerics teach hatred of the United States, more and more people think to themselves "But the Americans healed my mother," or "But the Americans rebuilt my home," or "But the Americans provided me with food and shelter when I had nothing." If we do that, we can, with a bit of hope and good fortune, hasten the day on which a critical mass of people think such things, and they say them out loud, and the hardliners will be unable to silence them.

And then, perhaps, the people of Iran will have found a small bit of meaning in this tragedy.

Whoops

I saw this the other day, but didn't see the updates until today. I think it sums up Glenn Reynolds' style very nicely:

"PARANOIA STRIKES DEEP: The folks at Democratic Underground are wondering if the Iran earthquake was triggered by Bush.

Yep. And Karl Rove is personally making sure that your skateboarding magazines get lost in the mail. (And scroll down to the post noting that Kucinich opposes such weapons -- that guy doesn't miss a thing!)

UPDATE: Look at the photos!

Meanwhile, here's more on Kucinich's, er, farsightedness.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Hey, Bush caused the Mad Cow scare, too! At least, that's what posters over at Howard Dean's message board seem to think. They're calling it "Beefiburton!"

As a Dean supporter on that board notes: "I have to mentally separate the candidate from the supporters (the handful of nuts, anyway) in my mind more often than I like ."

MORE: Hmm. Looks as if the initial post, at least, was by a troll. Which invalidates this post and makes me look pretty damn stupid."

All right, I made up that last sentence. But it's still pretty damn funny.

Plagiarism

I'm not a regular Molly Ivins reader, but on the few occasions that I have read her work, I found it fairly amusing.

Tim Blair is apparently of a different mind.

Today, he's all bent out of shape because she apparently stole a description of Arnold Schwarzenegger ("looks like a condom stuffed with walnuts") from someone else:

"Ivins lifted “the observation she made” from Australian writer Clive James. It’s at least a decade old. Resign, you shameless, dishonest, joke-pinching she-beast!" (italics in original)

He then proceeds to take Ivins to task because others have attributed the quote to her.

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Timmy: the memory is a funny thing, especially when it comes to clever turns of phrase. On multiple occassions, I've thought of a clever way of saying something, said it to several people, and then later realized that I was actually regurgitating something I'd read, sometimes years before. I'm sure you've done it too - especially with something short, like, say, a funny five-word description of something.

Seeing as how Ivins regularly cranks out columns full of her own jokes, and seeing as how this is the only example of plagiarism you can find (and let's not discuss that bullshit with notorious pain in the ass Florence King - Ivins would have to be stupid to the point of not being able to walk to intentionally steal from someone and set it amidst a boatload of attributions to that person), I think we can safely give her the benefit of the doubt on this one.

Yes, yes, I know that, for ideological reasons, you'd love to get Ivins kicked out of every newspaper that publishes her, but until you can find something substantial of which to accuse her, why don't you suck my dick like it has the antidote in it?

That one I got from Chris Rock.

A Minor Thought Before Bed

So, I'm watching Michelle Malkin on Fox News for a few minutes, and she's talking about how no one says "Merry Christmas" anymore - it's all "Happy Holidays" now, don't you know, because of the damn secularists.

It's almost as if she believes the cheapening of the day set aside to celebrate the birth of the Christ is the fault of liberals being nice to Jews and Muslims, rather than the steady promotion of Christmas as a time to buy buy buy on the part of retailors to the point where the Christmas season is the linchpin of the American economy.

Despite our differences, I think Michelle and I would get along well were we ever to run into each other in real life; it's too bad my "No Crazy Bitches" rule would prevent me from sleeping with her.